Cooking with Astrid and Hiccup
by vala411
Summary: Astrid and Hiccup have a cooking show. What could go wrong. XD
1. Episode 1

**AN: Helloooo everybody. So this thing just popped in my head, and I thought why not. On another note here is the news for when my next fics will be published. I'm going to be very busy with my Petroleum Geology masters so publish dates might change. You can follow any fic news on my profile or you can follow me on instagram vala411.**

 **October 10th until Halloween: Halloween fic - A Supernatural comedy like no other.**

 **November: Secrets of the Wilderwest**

 **December: Mayhem in the theater or Phantasm sequel**

 **Now on with the show!**

 **Episode 1: Spanish style chicken Galantine**

"Hello everybody and welcome to our show cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my co-host Astrid." Hiccup introduces while standing behind a counter.

"Hello everybody. Today we will be showing you how to make Spanish style chicken Galantine." Astrid said bringing out Chicken.

"NOOOOO!" Was suddenly yelled as Tuffnut their director came running on set. "Not Chicken!" He yelled and grabbed Chicken from Astrid. "Get your own chicken!"

Ruffnut then came out with a dead and plucked chicken. "Sorry wrong chicken she whispers to the audience and then hands it to Astrid."

"You did that on purpose." Tuffnut hissed at his sister only to get laugher in return.

"Oh yes now where were we." Hiccup said.

"Well Hiccup. To make this dish we'll first need to debone the chicken." Astrid stated and then proceeded to grab a very sharp knife. "Now I will show you how to debone a chicken."

Astrid then proceeded to use the knife to cut the meat from the ribcage. "Let me remind you that this can be a messy process and that you should never wear your best clothes when doing it."

"Astrid…" Hiccup remarked when Astrid was explaining but it was too late. Astrid mistimed her cut and the small wishbone flew out of the chicken and hit Snotlout, the camera man straight in the eye.

"Ouch!" Snotlout yelled and clutched his eye. The camera began to wobble but Fishlegs quickly managed to stabilize it.

"SORRY!" Astrid yelled and then tried to resume her deboning but Hiccup stopped her.

"If deboning a chicken is too difficult for you than simply have your butcher do the hard work." Hiccup quickly said. "Now we will return after this short break."

There is a short commercial break and soon the show is back.

"Welcome back everybody. As you can see this is what a deboned chicken looks like." Hiccup stated quickly while trying to avoid a fuming Astrid. "Now as for the ingredients. We will need:

"1 large chicken deboned (size 18)" Hiccup stated and gestured once again to the chicken. "300g pork mince, 4 cloves garlic, peeled & finely chopped, 100g chorizo sausage, sliced, 100g grated Spanish Manchego cheese, 1 handful of Italian flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped, half a teaspoon of paprika, Flaky sea salt & freshly ground black pepper for seasoning, and Olive oil."

"We'll also need" Astrid began while gesturing to the equipment. " A Long metal or bamboo skewer, Butchers twine/string, Roasting tray with a rack, and a Preheated oven to 160 °C (fan bake)."

"Start by making the stuffing." Hiccup began explaining while Astrid showed them how it was done. "Add the pork mince, garlic, chorizo, Manchego cheese, parsley and paprika to a large bowl. Season with a pinch of flaky sea salt and ground pepper, then mix well until combined."

Astrid had put all the ingredients in the bowl and then grabbed a mixer.

"ASTRID NOOOO!" Hiccup screamed but the mixer was already turned on and made contact with the ingredients. The contents of the bowl flew in all directions and covered the front row of the audience.

"Astrid I didn't say use the mixer." Hiccup stated while wiping his face clean.

"You said mix well." Astrid retorted. "Nothing mixes better than a mixer."

Hiccup let out a groan and then said. "We'll return after these words from our sponsors."

When the show came back on after the commercial break we see that the set had been cleaned and Hiccup was busy 'manually mixing a bowl of ingredients."

"Now ladies and gentleman. This is what the stuffing will look like." Hiccup stated while Astrid placed the de-boned chicken on the counter.

"Next lay the deboned chicken out on a board skin side down. Season the inside generously with flaky salt & ground pepper." Hiccup explained and this time kept an eye on Astrid as she sometimes gets a little too happy with the ground pepper.

"Take the stuffing and shape it into a big sausage and place lengthways in the centre of the chicken between the two breasts, making sure the stuffing is evenly shaped and is no longer than the chicken." Hiccup explained and watched as Astrid began shaping the stuffing.

"Astrid. Why is the stuffing shaped like an axe?" Hiccup asked incredulously as he had watched her work.

"I like an axe shape way better than a sausage shape." Astrid stated and then proceeded to cramp the stuffing into the chicken.

"Okay… Moving on." Hiccup cautiously said.

"Bring each side of the chicken up and over the stuffing so they meet in the centre and the stuffing is completely encased in the chicken. Where the ends meet, thread a metal (or long bamboo) skewer through the chicken, as if you were sewing it up, to hold each end in place." At this point Astrid began 'sewing' up the chicken. It looked more like she was trying to strangle it.

"Astrid do you know how to sow?" Hiccup asked carefully.

"Of course I do." Astrid stated while getting a bit frustrated with the chicken. Hiccup had to stop Astrid at this point because they still needed the chicken whole. Astrid huffed but let Hiccup finish the sewing.

"Then with 4 pieces of string tie up the chicken at each end and twice in the centre to help keep its shape." Hiccup then stated while handing Astrid the string.

"Astrid…The chicken isn't a hostage…" Hiccup groaned. "There is no need for such elaborate knot work."

"Fine, then let me try this." Astrid stated and then proceeded to make four Celtic knots.

"I'm not even going to comment on why you made a Celtic knot." Hiccup said and then went back to explaining.

"Now place the chicken (skewer side down) in a roasting tray with a rack, drizzle with olive oil, season well and roast in an oven at 160 °C for 1 hour." Hiccup explained quickly while Astrid loaded the chicken in the oven.

After a short break they were back.

"We're back and it's time to check on our chicken." Hiccup stated. "We'll remove the chicken from the oven and let it rest for 20 minutes covered, before slicing. It can be served with a fresh green salad, a big bowl of creamy mash or your favorite sides." Hiccup explained and then went to collect the chicken.

Astrid cut off a piece to taste and then gave it to Hiccup who cringed and gagged.

"Hiccup what's wrong?" Astrid said while patting him on the back.

"The chicken is undercooked." Hiccup mumbled.

"How can that be. I put it at a 160." Astrid stated and folded her arms.

"A 160 Celsius or Fahrenheit?" Hiccup asked Astrid.

"There was only one knob. So I set it to a 160." Astrid stated and Hiccup then banged his head on the table.

"That is in Fahrenheit. You were supposed to convert it first." Hiccup mentioned.

"Eh…OOPS…" Astrid stated bashfully.

"Well that's all for today. We hope to see you next time on cooking with Astrid and Hiccup." She quickly said and motioned for a commercial break.

 **Producers note: It is unsure if this cooking show will continue. It will be up to the audience to decide.**


	2. Episode 2

**AN: Well I'm back with another chapter for this fic. XD Hope you all enjoy.**

 **Episode 2: Chile en Nogada**

"Hello everybody and welcome to a new episode of cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my co-host Astrid." Hiccup introduces as he and Astrid come out on the stage.

"Hello everybody. Today we will be showing you how to make Chile en Nogada." Astrid stated while she and Hiccup took their places behind the counter.

"Traditionally made in Puebla to celebrate the Mexican Independence Day on September 16, these chilies have a minced pork filling enhanced with chopped fruit, and a creamy walnut sauce." Hiccup said as he began laying out the ingredients.

"We will be needing 6 poblano peppers." Hiccup stated and searched under the counter for the peppers.

"Astrid, where are the peppers?" Hiccup asked coming up empty.

Then suddenly crashes and curses could be heard behind stage and out came a frantic Chicken who was being chased by their stagehand Ruffnut.

"COME BACK HERE YOU BLASTED CHICKEN!" Ruffnut yelled. "How dare you touch my peppers!" she then lunged at Chicken who was flying directly at Fishlegs, their sound effects technician.

Hiccup, Astrid, and the entire audience winced at the following impact. Ruffnut had landed in a compromising position on top of Fishlegs but was shouting in glee as she had captured Chicken.

"Oh my Thor is Chicken alright?" Tuffnut exclaimed to which he received a well placed punch to the gut by Ruffnut.

"I'm hurt. I'm very much hurt." Tuffnut wheezed out and then doubled over.

Ruffnut then casually held a squirming Chicken under her arm and told Hiccup and Astrid that a new batch of peppers would be out momentarily.

"Let's just continue." Astrid stated giving a nervous laugh. "For the Nogada sauce we'll need 1/2 cup goat cheese, 1 cup walnuts, 1 cup small diced white bread, 1 1/2 cups milk, and 1/2 teaspoon salt."

"For the filling we'll need 1 tablespoon olive oil, 1/2 cup white onion, finely chopped, 2 garlic cloves, coarsely chopped, 1 medium ripe tomato, finely chopped, 1 tablespoon freshly minced cilantro leaves, 1 pound ground beef, Salt and freshly ground black pepper, 1 cup cooked diced potato, 2 tablespoons dried black currants, 2 tablespoons toasted sliced blanched almonds" Astrid summed up as she saw a stagehand hand Hiccup a new bowl of peppers.

"And finally for the garnish we will be using 1/2 cup pomegranate seeds and 2 tablespoons coarsely chopped parsley leaves." Hiccup said while placing a skillet in front of Astrid.

"We prepare the poblano peppers by heating a griddle or skillet over medium-high heat until a drop of water sizzles on contact." Hiccup explained as he watched Astrid work. Astrid then proceeds to carefully let one droplet of water fall onto the skillet.

"Astrid I didn't mean exactly one droplet." Hiccup stated facepalming.

"Don't give me that!" Astrid stated taking a jab at him while forgetting she still had the hot skillet in her hands.

"Eek!" Hiccup yelled and ducked, dodging the skillet just in the nick of time.

"Let's just continue." Hiccup said cautiously while inching back a few steps from Astrid.

"Add the poblanos, and cook, turning occasionally with tongs, until the skin is blackened and blistered on all sides, this takes about 5 to 7 minutes depending of the size of the poblanos." Hiccup said to the audience as Astrid demonstrated.

"How black do these things have to become?" Astrid asked as one of the peppers began crumbling as she grabbed them with the tongs.

"ASTRID!" Hiccup shouted and quickly turned the heat down. "I said blackened and blistered not turned to ash. You still need to watch how much heat you use."

Astrid was eyeing Hiccup with a glare. "Well then you try it." She stated.

Hiccup who was not comfortable being in a room with a volatile Astrid nervously said. "We'll return after these words from our sponsors."

The show resumed after the short commercial break ended and we can see Hiccup preparing a new batch of peppers. "See Astrid. Not ash." Hiccup said smugly getting a bit of his confidence back.

Astrid simply huffed and took over once more.

"Now remove the peppers from the griddle when they are done and place them in a plastic bag, let sit for 5 minutes, until the skins are soft enough to be easily removed." Hiccup resumed explaining.

"Then we remove the poblanos from the bag, and using your fingers and small sharp knife, peel and scrape off as much of the blackened skin as possible." As Hiccup said this Astrid began working on the peppers with an extremely sharp knife.

"A few black specks won't matter." Hiccup stated and Astrid let out a frustrated growl.

"Now you tell me." She says. "And I've been trying to get everything off this pepper."

"Now Astrid…" Hiccup backed away as Astrid still had the very sharp knife in her hand. "W…Why don't we just continue."

"Leave the tops on and cut small (2 to 3-inch) lengthwise slits in the polios and carefully pull out the seeds without tearing the flesh." Hiccup states and then demonstrates with a pepper. Astrid tried to copy this but she ended up dicing the pepper.

"Remember to not use too much force when making the slits." Hiccup stated which caused Astrid to twitch with irritation. She still had a knife in her hand and Hiccup wisely backed away gulping nervously.

"Why don't we take another quick break." He said and gestured for Snotlout to cut the camera feed.

After the commercial the show returned with a much calmer Hiccup. The counter was now surprisingly devoid of any sharp pointy objects.

"Welcome back everybody. Now it is time to make the sauce and filling for this recipe. Nogada is a walnut sauce and it is very easily made." Hiccup told the audience while gesturing to the blender by Astrid. "We simply add all the sauce ingredients to a blender and process it until thoroughly pureed."

Astrid dumped all the ingredients in the blender, closed it, and then pressed start. Everything was going well until the blender lid popped off and the contents splattered over the crew and some of the audience.

"Hmmmm tasty." Snotlout said as he licked a finger.

"Be sure to make sure that the blender lid is placed properly on the blender." Hiccup stated peeking over the counter as he and Astrid had managed to duck in time. Astrid was looking at the blender like she wanted to dismember it, and Hiccup was just glad that he wasn't on the receiving end of that glare this time.

"The sauce is then set aside at room temperature or kept in refrigerator until ready to serve." Hiccup stated as he produced some sauce that he had premade.

"Now as for the filling." Hiccup explained as Astrid took out another skillet. "In a medium-size skillet, heat 1 tablespoon of olive oil over medium-heat. Add the onion and garlic and cook for 1 to 2 minutes, stirring often. Add the tomato, cilantro and cook for another minute. Add the meat and cook stirring, until the meat is cooked through, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and black pepper, to taste. Add the potatoes, cook for 2 minutes, then stir in the black currants and the almonds. Remove from the heat." As Hiccup explained this Astrid went to work. The crew and the audience let out a collective breath of relief as this part went off without a hitch.

"Now carefully stuff the mixture into the chilies through the slit, taking care not to rip the chilies." Hiccup explained while Astrid let out a frustrated growl. The stuffing was not going well.

"Astrid…" Hiccup said taking her hand in his. "Let's try doing this carefully." He said and then just realized he still had Astrid's hand in his.

Both quickly pulled away and blushed. It went a lot smoother once Hiccup had demonstrated how to 'carefully' stuff the pepper.

"All that's left is to transfer the stuffed poblanos to a serving platter. Cover the peppers with the walnut sauce and garnish with pomegranate seeds and parsley." Astrid explained as Hiccup finished the plate and presented it to the audience.

"Well that's all for this episode." Hiccup said. "A big applause to the reviews which allowed us to do a second episode. New episodes may follow depending on how the reviews are."

"We hope to see you all again soon." Astrid and Hiccup waved at the audience.

 **Producer's note: The producer is seriously thinking of removing all sharp objects from Astrid's vicinity for the mental and physical welfare of her co-host if new episodes are made.**


	3. Episode 3

**Episode 3:** **Béarnaise sauce and Kielbasa, Potato and Cabbage soup**

"Hello everybody and welcome to our show cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my co-host Astrid." Hiccup introduces Astrid who simply stomped onto the stage.

"Eh…Astrid. You're up." Hiccup said hesitantly upon seeing the rage in Astrid's eyes.

"Hello everybody." Astrid simply stated.

"Okay Astrid. What's wrong?" Hiccup asked a little worried.

"What's wrong! What's wrong!" Astrid shouted. "I'll tell you what's wrong. Eret just dumped me over the phone!"

Astrid's ire caused Hiccup to take a step back. The entire set was utterly silent. No one knew what to say after that outburst.

"Okay…So Eret is a douche." Hiccup stated and then he got an idea. "How would you like to vent all that anger? I got the perfect recipe."

"You do?" Astrid asked as Hiccup then turned towards Tuffnut.

"Tuffnut, we'll be changing today's episode." Hiccup simply stated and then led Astrid behind the counter.

"Now today we will be doing two recipes. A Béarnaise sauce and Kielbasa, potato and cabbage soup."

"Hiccup how will any of this help me?" Astrid asked as Hiccup just gave her a smirk.

"I'll be handling the sauce while you get every sharp knife you own." Hiccup stated.

"Every knife?" Astrid asked perplexed but Hiccup shooed her off stage. At this point whispers ran through the studio about how Hiccup had lost his marbles. He was in fact actively encouraging Astrid to wield sharp pointy objects around.

"Now don't you all worry." Hiccup stated and began to take out the ingredients for the sauce. "Béarnaise sauce goes the best with steak but it can also be spread over poached eggs and roasted fish."

"We'll be needing 1/4 cup white-wine vinegar, 1 small shallot, peeled and minced, 1/2 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper, 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon chopped tarragon leaves, 2 egg yolks, 12 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, Kosher salt, to taste and a splash of lemon juice, which is optional.

"Now put the vinegar, shallots, black pepper and 1 tablespoon of tarragon leaves into a small saucepan, and set over a medium flame. Bring just to a boil, and then reduce heat to a simmer until there are only a few tablespoons of liquid left, approximately 5 minutes. Remove from heat, and set aside to cool." Hiccup explained as he simultaneously demonstrated it.

"Next we fill a small saucepan with an inch or two of water, and set over medium-high heat to boil."

"Put the cooled shallot-and-tarragon mixture into a metal mixing bowl along with a tablespoon of water and the egg yolks, then whisk to combine." Hiccup showed them but it was going a lot slower with only one person.

"Next turn the heat under the saucepan of water down to its lowest setting, and put the bowl on top of the pan, making sure that it does not touch the water directly. Continue to whisk the yolks until they thicken, approximately 5 to 7 minutes. You should just about double the volume of the yolks."

"Slowly beat in the butter, a tablespoon or two at a time, whisking slowly to combine and emulsify. Remove the bowl from the pan occasionally, so as not to overcook the eggs, and taste the sauce. Season with salt. If the flavor is not sharp enough, add a splash of lemon juice. If the sauce is too thick, stir in a splash of hot water. Add the remaining teaspoon of tarragon leaves, and serve. That's all to it." Hiccup stated and the audience just sat there in shocked silence. There was no incident. No accidental fire. No running for their lives, and it was utterly shocking.

There was a clang and Astrid returned on set with a wheelbarrow full of knives, swords and her favorite axe. Audible gulps could now be heard from the audience.

"We'll be having a short break." Hiccup stated "and then we will be making the Kielbasa, Potato and Cabbage soup."

When the show came back on Astrid had already laid out most of her knives on the counter and was currently busy sharpening her axe.

"Hiccup is this such a good idea?" Fishlegs whispered as Ruffnut brought out two wheelbarrows of cabbages.

"It's better than her trying to vent her frustrations to a shrink again." Hiccup whispered back. "That poor woman is still traumatized to come into her own office."

"Welcome back everybody." Hiccup said happily as he looked to the audience who were eyeing the sharp knives warily. "Now for our next dish we'll need 2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil, 1 1/4 pounds (1 ring) kielbasa, 1-inch dice, 1 pound (1 large or 2 medium) starchy potato, such as russet, peeled and chopped, 1 tablespoon paprika, 1 scant palmful, 1/2 tablespoon coriander, half a palmful, 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice, 2 carrots, chopped, 2 ribs celery, chopped, 2 cloves garlic, crushed, 1 onion, chopped, Salt and freshly ground black pepper, 1/2 head savoy cabbage, shredded, A few grates nutmeg, 1 cup lager beer at room temp, 4 cups chicken stock, 2 cups tomato passata or puree, 1/2 cup creme fraiche, 3 tablespoons chopped fresh dill or 1 1/2 teaspoons dried, Handful fresh parsley leaves, chopped, and 1/2 lemon, juiced."

"Hiccup I don't see how this is going to help with my anger." Astrid said while folding her arms.

Hiccup picks up a cabbage from the pile and then places it in front of Astrid. "The recipe calls for shredded cabbage. These are still whole."

"So you want me to shred cabbages? I still don't see how…." Astrid stated with an unsure look but Hiccup just smirked.

"Think of them as Eret and vent away." No sooner had Hiccup said this when a the first cabbage was impaled by Astrid's axe. Astrid went to work on the cabbages like no tomorrow and the crew and audience actually winced as they were imagining which parts of Eret Astrid was thinking about chopping up.

"Now to start this soup we heat the oil in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat, and add the kielbasa and brown. Then remove the kielbasa to a paper towel-lined plate. Add the potatoes, paprika, coriander, allspice, carrots, celery, garlic, onions and some salt and pepper. Cook, partially covered, 5 to 6 minutes." Hiccup demonstrated and then looked over to Astrid who had already chopped up several cabbages. Some even looked minced as Astrid was working through her serrated knife collection.

Hiccup then filled a bowl with some of the shredded cabbage and went back to explaining. "We then wilt in the cabbage and season it with a little nutmeg. Deglaze the pan with the beer and then add the stock and passata, then slide the kielbasa back in the pot and simmer to combine flavors for 15 minutes."

"Once this is done cool and store for a make-ahead meal. Reheat over medium heat. Finish the soup with the creme fraiche, herbs and lemon juice; and serve in shallow bowls."

As Hiccup finished explaining he looked to Astrid who was looking calmer than before. Astrid let out an elated sigh and then calmly walked over to Hiccup and kissed his cheek.

This action caused Hiccup to become speechless and as he was trying (and failing) to formulate words and sentences Astrid addressed the audience.

"Thank you all for joining us today. We hope to see you soon."

 **Producer's note: The producer has been unable to remove any sharp objects from Astrid and was threatened with bodily harm. So instead better health insurance will be given to those working on this show. Be advised the safety of the audience cannot be guaranteed.**


	4. Episode 4

**AN: I'd like to thank my lovely reviewers Teenylambofgod who was the inspiration for episode 3 and Queen-Of-DollZ who inspired this episode.**

 **Episode 4: Whole roasted salmon stuffed with lemon and herbs**

"Hello everybody and welcome to our show cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my co-host Astrid." Hiccup introduces happily while standing behind a counter with Astrid.

"Hello everybody. Today we will be showing you how to make a Whole roasted salmon stuffed with lemon and herbs." Astrid said bringing out a very large salmon.

Some of the audience which, consisted out of dragons, were eyeing the giant salmon with predatory eyes.

"So for this recipe we'll need 2.5 kg whole salmon , scaled and gutted, 1.5 kg red-skinned potatoes , scrubbed clean and sliced into 1/2cm rounds, sea salt, freshly ground black pepper, 6 pieces baby fennel, olive oil, 1 small bunch fresh dill, 1 small bunch fresh flat-leaf parsley, 1 small bunch fresh tarragon, 2 lemons, and extra virgin olive oil." Hiccup summed up as he gestured to everything on the counter. Snotlout had filmed a close up of all the ingredients but the dragons were still focused on the fish.

"Preheat your oven to maximum and get yourself a large roasting tray that your whole salmon will fit inside. You'll probably need to lay the fish diagonally across the tray, and it won't matter if the head and tail drape over a little." Astrid said while showing the audience the tray.

"Lay your sliced potatoes over the base of the tray and season well with salt and pepper. Scatter your baby fennel over the top and give it all a generous drizzle of olive oil." Hiccup explained and Astrid demonstrated. So far there were no accidents and Tuffnut was actually getting bored.

"Do you think this will be a boring episode?" Tuffnut asked Fishlegs in a whisper.

"So far everything is going great. Shouldn't that make you happy?" Fishlegs whispered back.

"I just wish there was some sweet chaos." Tuffnut grumbled.

"Now to get on with your fish. Pick half the leaves from each of the herb bunches and put them on a chopping board, keeping the remainder to one side. Grate the lemon zest over the herbs then roughly chop everything together. Scrape this mixture into a bowl and wipe the board down with a piece of kitchen paper." Hiccup said and handed Astrid, who was critically assessing her knives, the herbs.

"Next transfer your salmon to the board, then wipe it inside and out with a fresh piece of kitchen paper. Make sure there are no scales on the silvery salmon skin, the fishmonger should have taken all of these off for you. If there are any left on there, scrape them with a blunt knife until they ping off." Hiccup said but he saw Astrid frown.

"Astrid?" Hiccup asked as Astrid began grumbling.

"I have no blunt knife." She answered. "Never thought I would need it." This statement caused everyone to sweat drop. Yup, that was typical Astrid.

Before the show could continue further there appeared to be a commotion backstage.

There was shouting and a muscled man stepped onto the stage while Ruffnut was trying to stop him.

"ERET!" Astrid shouted while gripping the knife handle.

Hiccup, the crew and the audience all took a collective step back while Tuffnut was watching with glee. "Sweet chaos." Was all he said and rubbed his hands eagerly together.

"Astrid, babe, can we talk?" Eret said confidently.

"There is nothing to talk about." Astrid grounds out. "You've made it all abundantly clear in the text message when you broke up with me."

"Look baby. I'm sorry about that. I really didn't mean any of that." Eret stated. "I was wondering if we could start over."

"No Eret. We can't." Astrid stated. "Besides I've moved on."

The audience was now captivated by the arguments and was watching the drama unfold with interest.

"Who!" Eret yelled and then glared at Hiccup. "Don't tell me it's that fishbone of a co-host."

"Hah…. I don't believe it." Eret said looking smug. "There is no way my baby would look at a walking fishbone when she's got this." He said and flexed his muscles.

Astrid simply raised an eyebrow and then grabbed Hiccup by his apron and proceeded to kiss all coherent thought out of him.

The audience reacted ecstatically as hoots, hollers, and roars filled the area.

Eret made a threatening step towards Hiccup, who stood there completely dazed, but Ruffnut blocked his way. "I think it's time for you to leave." She said but Eret knocked her back intend on getting to Astrid and Hiccup.

Ruffnut stumbled back and landed against the board with the salmon, making it fall to the ground. The dragons roared in outrage as they mourned the now ruined salmon, and were shooting hateful glances at Eret.

Ruffnut recovered quickly but Astrid was already walking towards Eret with knife still in hand. "I think we should have a private talk." She said in a much to calm voice. Eret who now took in the whole situation and the knife in Astrid's hand let out an audible gulp.

Snotlout had been eagerly filming the entire thing and let out a groan, because he would miss what Astrid would do to Eret.

Ruffnut in the meantime was trying to snap Hiccup out of his daze. Hiccup was rudely awakened but a slap from Ruffnut and his goofy grin fell when Ruffnut gestured to Astrid dragging Eret by his ear offstage.

He gulped and then turned to the audience. "We'll be back after these words from our sponsors."

It was a very long commercial break and when the show returned both Hiccup and Astrid could be seen behind the counter. Hiccup's blush covered his entire face and he was doing a very good impression of a strawberry, while Astrid was looking very smug.

"I have a blunt knife now." She told Hiccup happily.

Ruffnut then came on stage carrying a salmon bigger than the last one, and the dragons who were still mourning the lost fish instantly perked up.

"A…Alright…let's continue." Hiccup managed to get out. He then took a deep breath and began explaining. "Make vertical slashes in the skin on both sides of the salmon from its back towards its tummy, about 2cm deep and at an angle, so you leave a flap of skin you can stuff your herbs under." As Hiccup was explaining this Astrid happily took a sharp knife from her block and started working on the salmon.

"Make about 6 slashes on each side of the fish. Sprinkle salt and pepper into each slash, then stuff it with a pinch of your lemon-herb mix. Smooth the flaps down again and drizzle the fish all over with a light coating of olive oil. Then lay it on top of your potatoes and fennel."

"Take the leftover herb bunches and stuff them inside the belly cavity of the fish, then slice up one of the zested lemons and stuff these slices in there as well. Bake the fish in your screaming hot oven for 15 minutes." Hiccup said this and then stressed the last part. "Then turn the temperature down to 180 degrees Celsius or 350 degrees Fahrenheit, and cook for another 30 minutes." Astrid merely rolled her eyes but did as instructed.

"To check if the fish is cooked, take a clean skewer and push it into the deepest part of the fish, just behind the head. Count to 10, then carefully take the skewer out and hold it against your top lip. If it's nice and warm, the fish is cooked. Squeeze the juice of your remaining lemon over the top, drizzle with a little extra virgin olive oil and serve." Hiccup explained as he took out the skewer.

"Well this is the end for this episode everybody." Astrid happily said while coming to stand closer to Hiccup. "The next episode will be the last for this October season but we'll be back next month with some new dishes."

"Don't forget new drama!" Tuffnut yelled causing the audience to laugh.

"So we'll see you tomorrow everybody!" Hiccup said and he and Astrid waved goodbye to the audience.

 **Producer's note: The producer is currently unable to comment on the fate of Eret because he can't be located at this time. This producer has also made it a rule not to air anymore fish dishes because the dragons all wanted a taste afterwards and trampled some of the human audience.**


	5. Episode 5

**Episode 5: Banana Flambé and Turducken**

"Hello everybody and welcome to our show cooking with Astrid and Hiccup. I'm Hiccup and this is my co-host Astrid." Hiccup introduces as he and Astrid enter on stage.

"Hello everybody. Today is very special. It is the last episode for this month and we'll be having a special guest star with us today" Astrid told the audience.

"We will?" Hiccup asked in surprise.

"Oh yes we will. Our producer asked me to keep this a surprise." Astrid stated. "Now everybody please welcome our guest chef for today Dagur!"

"Dagur!" Hiccup yelled in surprise as said man in question emerged from backstage and waved at the audience.

"Astrid is this such a good idea?" Hiccup whispered.

"It was the producer's idea. You'll have to take it up with them." Astrid simply said as they all moved behind the counter.

"Hiccup so good to see you again." Dagur stated. "You still huffy that my Bourbon Pecan Chicken beat you in the presentation test."

"Oh Dagur it's so good to see you to. Why should I be annoyed. After all my Chicken Makhani beat you in the overall taste test." Hiccup said and returned the glare Dagur gave him.

There was also a growl which came from the audience. Toothless slowly advanced on Dagur.

"Toothless. You can eat Dagur later." Hiccup stated stopping Toothless in his tracks.

"Hey!" Dagur exclaimed while Toothless gave a whine of annoyance.

"Boys stop comparing each other's chickens and let's get cooking." Astrid said with her arms crossed. "And Toothless back to your seat."

Toothless gave one last growl in Dagur's direction before returning.

Dagur and Hiccup stopped their glaring contest and Dagur addressed the audience. "Hello everybody. Today we'll be making two dishes. I will be presenting the first one which will be a Banana Flambé."

"The ingredients we'll be using are 4 teaspoons of brown sugar, 2 teaspoons butter, 2 whole peeled and sliced bananas, 2 tablespoons banana liqueur, 2 tablespoons brandy, 2 glasses filled halfway with vanilla ice cream, 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup, 4 tablespoons whipped cream, 2 whole strawberries, remove the stem and make a small hole for the cubed sugar, and 2 sugar cubes." Astrid laid out the ingredients as Dagur summed them up.

Hiccup however could be seen whispering something to Fishlegs whose eyebrows shot up. Fishlegs gave a nod and quickly gestured for a stagehand.

"Now in a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the sugar until it becomes liquid. Add the butter and the sliced banana. Cook for about 6 minutes. Then remove the pan from the heat and then add the banana liqueur." Dagur says and then smirked at Hiccup when nothing goes wrong with Astrid. Hiccup merely rolls his eyes and then turns to the stagehand tapping his shoulder. He is handed a small cylinder.

"We now continue to cook for about 2 minutes. Remove from the heat once again, then add the brandy. Once you put the pan back in the heat, it should flambé. Remove the pan from the heat and start spooning the flambéed banana into the ice cream glass. Add the chocolate syrup and the whipped cream. On top of the whipped cream, right in the center, place the cleaned strawberry, then place the sugar cube in the center of the strawberry. Pour a little bit of the brandy on top of the sugar." Dagur stated and stepped next to the dish with a match. He crouched a bit so that he was eye level with the ice cream glass and then said. "Now we carefully ignite it with a match."

As soon as the match hit the brandy a very high flame appeared.

"AAHHHH" Dagur yelled as his hair caught on fire. Dagur let out a girlish scream just as Hiccup used a small fire extinguisher to put out the flame on top of his head.

Dagur spat out the white foam and whipped it from his face when Hiccup grabbed his stomach and began laughing like crazy. The audience who had been watching in shock also began laughing. Especially Toothless who was already on his back.

Dagur quickly picked up an aluminum pan and looked to see that one of his eyebrows had been burned away. He then quickly ran backstage while trying to cover his eyebrow.

"You were expecting that Hiccup?" Astrid questioned with arms folded.

"I thought it was a possibility. He was rather vague about the amount of bourbon at the end." Hiccup simply stated and then addressed the audience. "We'll be right back with our next dish right after these commercials."

When the show returned we see Hiccup smirking while Astrid was looking at him skeptically.

"Now the next recipe will be Turducken. Which is a deboned chicken stuffed in a deboned duck which is further stuffed into a deboned turkey." Hiccup stated showing the audience the three birds on the counter.

"That is the weirdest thing I have heard, and I share an apartment with Ruffnut." Astrid stated as she was still looking skeptical.

"HEY!" Was yelled from backstage but Astrid ignored it.

"Well then I'll prove it to you." Hiccup said with determination.

For this recipe we'll need for the brine 1 cup kosher salt, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 gallon water, 18 to 21-pound turkey, skin intact and deboned except for drumsticks, House seasoning, Cornbread Dressing, 3 to 4-pound duck, deboned, 3 to 4-pound chicken, deboned, and Paprika."

Hiccup then looked at Snotlout who was filming behind a shield. "Snotlout put the shield away. You won't be hit by a wishbone again." Hiccup stated. "I already had them deboned."

Snotlout who then gave a sheepish look quickly chucked the shield away.

"For the House Seasoning we'll need 1 cup salt, 1/4 cup black pepper, and 1/4 cup garlic powder."

"To make the Cornbread Dressing we first have to make the Cornbread for which we'll need 1 cup self rising cornmeal, 1/2 cup self-rising flour, 3/4 cup buttermilk, 2 eggs, and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil."

"The ingredients for the dressing consist of 7 slices white bread, dried in warm oven, Cornbread, 1 sleeve saltine crackers, 2 cups chopped celery,1 large onion, chopped,8 tablespoons butter,7 cups chicken stock, 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, 1 teaspoon dried sage, 1 tablespoon poultry seasoning, and 5 eggs, beaten."

"I still don't see how this would work Hiccup." Astrid stated as she finished setting up all the ingredients. Hiccup merely smirked.

"Now to make the brine: Mix salt and sugar with the water. Brine is ready when the mixture is completely dissolved. If the water is heated to quicken the process, make sure it is cooled to room temperature before placing meat in. Let the 3 birds sit in brine in the refrigerator overnight."

"Next preheat the roaster to 500 degrees F." Hiccup stated and then walked to the birds.

"First we lay the turkey skin side down on a flat surface. Dust turkey with House Seasoning and add 1/4-inch layer of cornbread dressing." Hiccup stated and watched while Astrid meticulously dusted the bird.

"Astrid we are not looking for fingerprints." Hiccup stated while lifting an eyebrow but Astrid just send a glare his way.

"Moving on…" Hiccup quickly said then.

"Then we lay duck skin side down on top of dressing. Dust duck with House Seasoning and add 1/4-inch layer of dressing. Repeat this process with the chicken."

"Begin trussing up the turkey at the neck. Insert the metal skewer about 1/2-inch from the edge and up through the other side. Run butcher's twine between skin and skewer and tighten to draw both sides together. Continue down to legs. With every other skewer, draw together the duck and chicken skin. Tie together turkey legs to resemble standard turkey and then dust turkey skin with paprika." Hiccup stated while Astrid was binding the birds.

"Astrid you don't have to strangle them. They're already dead." Hiccup stated.

"Hiccup do you want to sleep on the couch for a year!" Astrid simply said and the Tuffnut couldn't help comment while sniggering. "He's whipped."

Hiccup discreetly coughed and shot a glare at Tuffnut.

"Now we roast the turducken for 15 minutes. Then turn the roaster down to 225 degrees F to finish in approximately 3 hours. Then remove the turducken from roaster once the internal temperature in the chicken reaches 155 degrees F. Let rest for at least 20 minutes before carving." Hiccup stated and got out an already roasted turducken for the demonstration.

"We cut across the middle of the breast completely through. Plate thin slices containing turkey, duck and chicken."

Astrid was looking at the dish as it was being plated.

"Hiccup…" Astrid stated. "You actually got a chicken in a duck and then both in a turkey. Definitely weirdest dish I've seen."

"Well you do have a weird boyfriend." Ruffnut yelled from backstage which caused both Astrid and Hiccup to blush.

"Well that's all for October folks." Hiccup said coming around the counter.

"Yes we hope to be seeing you for an all new season next month." Astrid said while they waved to the audience.

 **Producer's note: …sshhhhhh**

 **Hiccup: Why are you in a trashcan?**

 **Producer: Hiding… duh**

 **Hiccup: Why?**

 **Suddenly Dagur comes around the corner.**

 **Dagur: There you are! Come back here!**

 **Producer: AHHHHHHHH!**

 **Hiccup: Good thing we have extra health insurance.**


End file.
